![]() ![]() Kadam was loading the last of his supplies and leapt up into the back seat. My tiger just calmly trotted over to the back where Mr. I smiled wickedly at him and hopped in the Jeep, slamming the door behind me. He just looked at me with his innocent, blue-eyed tiger face again. “Good! Could we please go now? I can’t wait to take a shower.” I opened the door to the passenger side then turned and hissed in a whisper aimed at Ren, “In my nice, upper-floor, inaccessible-to-tigers hotel room.” Or even better, a nice high-rise hotel in a big city. You know, something that has more people around. Umm, I was thinking that maybe this time if you don’t mind, we could check out one of those bigger hotels. We will need to stay over two nights in a hotel on our trip home.” Just in case you were wondering, I still love you and I'll keep the lights dim. I knew who you could become if someone loved you just right. ![]() I felt everything you were and could be, if only you stopped hiding in the same darkness you sheltered me from. Every time we kissed, I tasted a lifetime of tangled paths and bumpy roads woven with joined hands. I felt the ache that I have, deep inside of me, on your lips. But I felt every wound you ever endured when I rested against you. I knew you paced the floor at night, trying to walk over all the things you didn’t want me to know. I hear sobs that soak pillowcases when all the lights are out and the world is sleeping. I hear words that aren’t said, the echoes of lonely hallways and hollow footsteps. I imagine crumbling insides and splitting hearts, goodbyes that hang in the air before they break into tiny pieces. ![]() If, however, they decide to give it a try they should be aware that the road may be very bumpy and that they have to be prepared for disappointments and regressions, that they might have to deal with very slowly crescent improvements, that they shouldn’t take themselves for a ride and that they could only possibly succeed by focusing painfully on the path to breaking free from the hornet's nest they have got themselves into. Thousands of people may feel having set the bar too high and recognize they are are failing to find the right angle and are missing sufficient insight to steer their life. They realize, as such, that self-handicapping makes no sense, but are not able to protect themselves from themselves since they haven’t got the muscle to live down the spell of addiction. Their dissonant behavior transforms them into social losers or hopeless patsies and depresses them into the class of forlorn pariahs. But when tomorrow and after tomorrow come many tend to let slip their vow and their self-sabotage goes on to rule their life. Many have decided to stop from tomorrow on. Those are the questions thousands of people may ask as they are confronted with the schizophrenic dilemma on the point of smoking, boozing, doping, sexual transgressing or environmental polluting. Does it make sense to boycott ourselves? Does it hold water to boycott the fluid course of our life? Is it consistent to commit self-sabotage by destroying wittingly our corporeal and mental structure? ![]()
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